The Blue Diary
by Anastasia Keehl
Summary: "Brother, I'm so sorry that I couldn't play with you. It's not like I don't want to. This illness makes me can't." FACE


28/6 Sunny 

Today really is a good day. No, it's perfect!

The sun shines beautifully. I heard the birds chirping their song. And the children are laughing down the street.

Yet I still not allowed to go out.

So I'm just staying here, writing on this blue diary until my brother came. My twin brother.

He told me how he was so excited playing around with his friend.

All I could do just smile.

29/6 Cloudy 

My parents has brought me again to the hospital.

I don't like hospital, I never do.

I don't like the smell, the sight, I never like anything about this place.

But what I don't like the most is how my parents would later look at me.

It was never a happy look, it was also not an angry look either.

It looks like...pity.

This time I saw my parents talking to a doctor with his white suit and a stethoscope hanging on his neck.

Their face turns like they were just hearing something bad. Really...really bad.

I saw my mother crying on my dad's arm.

30/6 Rainy 

The sun really doesn't show up today. And the rain starts pouring from the sky.

And both my parents still looking the same as the last day we came to that Hospital.

I was in my room, still writing on this blue diary until my brother came again.

He said today is so boring. He coudn't go out and playing with his friend.

For me, it's not really a boring day though.

"Because you're here with me." I said.

He just smiling back at me.

1/7 - 

I was really hoping the sun shines again today.

It's not like my parents would allow me to go out today, but today is my birthday.

No, it's 'our' birthday.

My brother helped me walking to the living room.

There, I saw a big cake with candles on it and two box of present.

Both my parents look happy too. And so is my brother, of course.

"Don't forget to make a wish before you blow the candles, darling." my mother reminds us.

So I blew the candles along with my brother. My father then hands me a box of present with blue ribbon on it.

I happily opened it and saw a doll inside.

My brother got a toy car. Well, he likes toy cars. He even gave him some of his to me, though.

My father smiled, he told me that maybe I can play with that doll since he knew that I can't go outside.

Today really is so exciting for me. I don't want this to end.

2/7 Sunny 

My father just bought a wheelchair!

That time I was playing with my new doll, until my brother came to my room and told me that father has a surprise!

He helped me waking up from my bed and walking to our living room.

There I saw my father with a blue wheelchair.

At least from now on, I don't have to stay in my bedroom all day.

I'm so happy!

3/7 Rainy 

It's raining again today.

I saw my brother face, and I know that he is feeling bored again.

Sometimes I'm thinking why I'm this weak. No, this illness that makes me weak.

I wish I have more strength. I really want to play with him, though.

4/7 Sunny 

I'm not feeling so well.

I was coughing, and I saw this red liquid covering my hand.

It's blood.

And I realized that my body has getting worse.

5/7 Sunny 

This time, the doctor shows up again. In my house.

I told him that I coughed blood yesterday, and his face turns pale.

He then talked again to my parents. I clearly saw my mother's crying this time.

My father hug her again, and then my brother came and ask what happened.

Seeing their sad face feels like thousand of swords has stabbed my heart.

It really hurts.

6/7 - 

My dad said I have to be hospitalized.

I don't want to! I don't want to stay in that place! I hate that place!

But I know it's for my own best.

And then my brother came, he said that he would visit me there so I wouldn't get lonely.

He said that he would brings his friends also.

I really love you, brother.

7/7 - 

This is way more boring than staying in my old bedroom.

All I could do just stare at the crack ceiling and watching TV.

I don't like the food. Who likes hospital food, anyway? It's not tasty at all.

I missed my home.

8/7 - 

I wish I could see the weather forecast but the nurse said I should have some rest.

This time, my mother brings me a poutine. I love poutine. It's tasty, especially if she's the one who make it.

Anyway, have I ever told you that my mother is a French?

9/7 - 

I'm not feeling well again.

Today, I have this severe headache. Even writing this such a hard thing for me.

But I don't want to stop writing. I love writing.

I remember the first time my father bought this blue diary for me. He said I can wrote anything in here.

So far, I have wrote so many things in here. I guess I need a new diary one, eh?

10/7 Sunny 

THEY SAID I CAN GO OUT TODAY!

Can you believe it? Finally! I can see those beautiful sky with my own eyes, not just saw it from the window pane.

I happily told this to my brother. He then borrowed a hospital wheelchair.

We were at the hospital park.

Finally, I could saw the sun shines.

Finally, I could saw the green grass and pink flowers.

Finally, I could saw those red butterflies flying happily through the flowers.

And finally, I could saw those beautiful blue sky.

I love blue. It's such a beautiful and soft colour.

And it remind me somewhat about my brother...

11/7 - 

The doctor came to my room today.

From his expression, I could tell that my body hasn't gone better, worse maybe.

And again, I saw those sad look on my parents face again.

It really hurts the most when you saw someone you loved the most crying, isn't it?

12/7 - 

My body really has gone worse.

The headache keeps coming back. And I start coughing way more often.

When I try to look at a mirror -from my mom's small mirror, actually- I could tell that my face has getting even paler.

My hair starts to fall.

And I couldn't grip my pen that strong again anymore...

Am I going to...die?

13/7 - 

Today, I saw my brother's bright smile.

He really did fulfill his promise. He brings his friends today.

He has this Italian boy with brown hair, he's also a twins. Like me.

And there's this Japanese boy with bob hair.

And there's also this German brothers.

And there's this Korean boy with funny-looking face.

And there's more.

I'm so happy. It really nice having many friends.

14/7 Cloudy 

My brother asked me why I kept writing on this diary.

I love writing, I've told you that before right?

Beside, this is the only place I could express my feelings.

He said that writing a diary is so girly.

I ignored him.

(Anyway, he also said that today the sun didn't show up. The sky was covered with clouds.)

15/7 - 

I coughed blood again.

I don't want to die. I don't want to.

I still want to play with my brother.

I still want to saw my father's fuzzy eyebrow.

I still want to eat my mother's cooking.

God, I don't want to die. Please let me live longer...

.

Oh my, what did I just write?

16/7 - 

The doctor said that I can go home for a while tomorrow.

I don't think that's because I've got better.

Maybe it would be my last chance...

17/7 Sunny 

Today, I went home.

Using my wheelchair, I make myself went to my old bedroom.

I still remember how most of my days has passed just sitting on that bed, with this blue diary on my hand.

Then I went to my living room. It still looks the same.

And I still remember those weeks ago, when my parents celebrate my birthday. No, 'our' birthday.

Then I went to the kitchen. It's still smells the same.

And I still remember how beautiful my mother is when she's cooking.

Then I went to my brother's bedroom. It's still messy as usual.

I saw a picture of me and my brother smiling, it was when we were 7 years old.

And I felt tears running down my cheeks.

And I start coughing again.

I really don't want to die...

18/7 - 

I'm staying at that hospital.

My body is at their worst.

My blonde hair isn't look the same anymore. My violet eyes looks dull. It has lost its shines.

My body has gotten thinner.

And my hand start shaking when I grip my pen too tight.

19/7 - 

I would like to say goodbye.

I don't think I could write much from now on. No, I don't think I would be able to write anymore.

And I don't think I could live that longer.

I...give up. This is too much.

Father... Mother... Brother...

I love you. I love you all.

I'm so sorry, I have bothered you so much.

Brother, I'm so sorry I couldn't play with you. It's not like I don't want to.

But I can't. This illness makes me can't.

And I would like to say thank you.

To my father who had been cared so much, and has bought me this blue diary. I love that doll too, anyway.

To my mother who had been cooked and took care of me while father is away.

And to my brother who had been accompany me for so long.

Thank you so much.

You guys have given me so much and I haven't been able to return a single thing.

Thank you and goodbye. Do what's best for you, especially you brother.

You guys made me happy.

(P.S. I guess I'll tell the nurse to give this diary to you later... When I'm not here anymore...)

xXx

First question, what is this?

W-well, Let's say this is somekind of combination between reading too much angst fic and watch Silent Hill 2 leave ending. Mary's letter really makes me sad.

Second question, what kind of format is this?

This is somekind of...diary format? Hahaha... no, I don't know. I just want to make a fic with diary writing style so here it comes~

If you guys wondering what kind of illness does the main character has, well I don't even know. I just wrote anything that come to my mind :/

And I'm so sorry if there is any grammatical error or something. It's my first time using English. P-please be nice with me.

Ummm… Mind to review? :D


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